muffin_goddess (muffin_goddess) wrote,

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Last updated 42 weeks ago...

well. i guess I'm due for another one.
i don't even know what i want to say.
i miss people. that's all i can think to say when i go for blogs. i know that there is SO much more but i can't get past that.
i miss a lot of things. my friends, my family, not caring, caring, remembering, forgetting, forgiving, being forgiven, knowing people, people knowing me.. trust... knowing where i am, being confident, feeling secure. safe. stable. feeling so much it hurts. read back through my vf blogs, and remembered things, feelings, that i'd forgotten, that make current feelings and lack there of make sense. more sense at least. it hurts again, dully, very dull, but it's there, so familiar and yet at the same time so alien. like someone you knew in passing in elementary school, and saw in college, but couldn't place from where or why or how you must know them but don't... i dunno. i'm hungry. not tired, surprisingly. got school tomorrow, s'gonna suck, and HARD. but i've been doing pretty good with school. passing all my classes with an a except for 1 b, made the b honor roll all 1st semester. never ever did that before Kiernan. i'm pretty proud of myself. but there's so much other bs right now that it doesn't even count. puts a small smile on my face, but no deeper. i feel all weird lately. extra emotional, unemotional, everything or nothing, or all stressed and pissed and irritable. no all happy. idk ... i need to go see a doc, but... well, i'm me and i hate seeing docs. not a good excuse, but, nevertheless. i dunnnooooo. i'm functioning, though. it was bad for about a month or so, but it's getting better again. hopefully continues to get better. well. i'm not sure what else to say. i've got this feeling that there's so much more. but this is all for now... maybe another forty-two weeks...
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